So, Brian spent all of last week at home sick. This caused a ton of stress at the store. His mom just can't handle the responsibility... the woman freaks out too easily.

Brian went back to work on Friday, had to close, didn't get home until 330 am. I hate that his mom has him close by himself. He refuses to leave things undone, so he stays until EVERYTHING is done and then makes the hour drive home.

Saturday and Sunday nights he didn't come home because of the weather. So, I haven't seen my husband in 3 days. This is not a good thing when you are depressed. I know he stayed in Granbury because of the weather, but going to bed alone when you already feel like you have nobody... let's just say it makes things worse and harder to deal with. Brian keeps telling me that my negative attitude keeps him away. The bad things is that I have such a negative attitude because he's never around and I don't know that he even cares anymore. All I want from him his quality time. We don't get that. I feel like he wants the good times, but not the bad. I'm sorry, but to have good times you've got to have bad times. If he can't take the bad times, then he shouldn't get my good times. That sounds shitty, I know, but it's how I feel about it.

I know that everything he is doing is for us. Us being him, me and our two beautiful daughters. I just feel that he's putting so much into the store and nothing into his family. Six months from now when the store truly takes off, he will have done it all for nothing because his family will be gone. I refuse to do this for the rest of my life!

Brian told me that he has realized that it's his repsonsibility to take care of his family and he wants things to be better for us. Unfortunately, he's not including me on his journey. He has embarked on this one alone. I'm not included in any way when it comes to the goings on in his life these days. I've asked him to talk to me, to tell me about what's going on at the store and how he is doing with all of it. He just won't open up to me. I ask him questions and he just stares at me and says nothing. He's shutting me out and it hurts. It hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. Heartbreak is so common and yet so painful at the same time.

I need him in a way that he can't seem to be there for me. He doesn't understand how to be there for me when I'm so down about things. It makes him unhappy to see me unhappy and he doesn't want to live his life unhappy. I can totally understand... it's just that I want to know that he loves me and he's scared to show me. He's afraid if he shows me that it won't be enough and we'll end up apart anyway. He's shielding himself from heartbreak.

We've talked about starting over. Letting go of the past and moving forward. This will probably be hardest for me. I tend to hold grudges and Brian has done some pretty shitty things in the past. However, if I have to let go of it all to get my husband back, I will.